Viva Espana (bueno, y Colombia tambien!)

I spent four days in Barcelona with a quick stop in Montpellier France on the way.  I had a long day traveling to get from Taize to Barcelona with four trains, of which three were late.  Luckily I was fortified for my journey with bread with fresh honey provided by Andrea (my friend from Taize) and a sweet send off at the bus stop.  I enjoyed my time in France, but it was with a contented sigh that I entered Spain and first heard train station instructions that I could understand completely.  The hostel I stayed at in Barcelona was recommended to me by my friend Silvi who I met in Lyon and who was in Taize with me for two weeks, including at the silence house with me (see our "silent" photo above).  The hostel is a non-profit operation located in the outskirts of Barcelona, in the foothills, and it exists to provide employment and activities for mentally handicapped people.  I appreciated that both the hostel's location and its mission attracted travelers of a more relaxed variety.  My favorite aspect of Barcelona (as in most places I have written about) is the people I met and met up with.  Barcelona itself is a vibrant city with a relaxed pace.  It is famed for its architecture (especially buildings designed by Atoni Gaudi) and its beaches, but I found conversation with those from Barcelona to be the most useful in understanding the city.  On Tuesday I went on a sailboat to enjoy the beautiful day that God had provided on the water.  The boat was built by the crew itself who had the idea to use the sailboat for excursions all around the Mediterranean. One of the crew members was born and raised in Barcelona and had much love for the city and for the Catalonia culture; he explained the reasons why Catalonia should be its own country separate from Spain: the people of Catalonia have a different language, different culture, different work ethic, and a great number of the soccer players on Spain's national team are from Barcelona.  I have to admit, other than the language (which is different than Spanish, but understandable), I had not noticed the difference among those who are from Catalonia and those from Spain.  The current unemployment rate in Spain is about 24% and the protests and issues within Spanish banks continue, but the economic problems are not as noticeable in Barcelona.  Those from Barcelona who I talked to contribute Barcelona's superior economic situation to the steady tourist industry and the strong work ethic of Barcelona.  On Tuesday night I had the distinct pleasure of viewing the England versus Ukraine Euro-cup game in the company of six English guys.  The game was shown on a small television (13 inches small) in our hostel, but the guys did their best to create a festive ambiance with face and body paint as well as a hand-sewn English flag made from a table cloth and ribbon.  The game was intense at moments as the Brits remembered a certain goal that was not counted in the 2010 World Cup against Germany, but this time time they were the ones who benefited from the bad call.  At my hostel, I also met Alex from Moscow who was traveling outside of Russia for the first time.  Alex did not know very much English and I only know one word in Russian "slon," so our conversations were slow and frequently required the assistance of Alex's iphone Russian/English dictionary, but we had some fascinating conversations.  Alex wanted to know what US news sources said about Russia, why I was not married, how much condos cost in New York, what the population is of my city, what the difference was between protestant and catholic churches from his orthodox church, and why the Barcelona metro was not more beautiful like the metro in Moscow.  From Alex I learned that Russians do not use Facebook because they have their own version, Putin is not perfect but he is not a dictator, Russia has much of the landscapes of Europe represented somewhere within the giant country, and it may have been a good thing for Russia to change its constitution to allow for 6 year presidential terms as good ideas take a long time to develop in Russia due to bureaucracy.  Alex decided that I would be his travel companion in Barcelona and I soon came to accept his direct approach and to appreciate his chivalry as he carried my bag, walked on the outside of the street, and worried if I had eaten or not.  My other friend in Barcelona is Vivi who is actually from Ecuador, but is living in Barcelona and I met her at my hostel in Paris.  Vivi is the kind of girl that you like immediately because she is so friendly and genuine and so when I sent her a message that I would be in Barcelona I wasn't surprised that she made time for me.  Vivi and I took a long tour of Barcelona on bikes she loaned from her friends.  She took me to the most famous architectural sites, through Las Ramblas, the old city and along the beach.  We stopped in Barceloneta at the beach to admire the fine day and to splash in the water (actually Vivi did most of the splashing until there was hardly a dry spot on me).  We regretted not having brought our swimsuits and since the water was so nice we decided to just jump in.  It amuses me the way people stared at us as we swam in our clothes when they didn't blink an eye at the topless women next to us... I guess clothes are more shocking than nudity at the beach.  Vivi and I finished our bike tour and then we had dinner; I wanted to try paella one more time because although I haven't liked it each time I've tried it, I had never sampled it in Spain and it seemed wrong to write it off completely without trying it from the source.  I don't like paella, but I thoroughly enjoyed my time with Vivi.  Thursday afternoon was my flight, but in usual Cassie style I opted to go to the beach again (this time with a bathing suit) and I ended up rushing to catch my flight.  I needn't have rushed however as the line to check in was gargantuan and bottlenecked by Colombians trying to bring three bags weighing 55 kilos each (I say this with the greatest affection for mis amigos Colombianos).  I still smile when I remember their shocked expressions as one by one they were told they'd have to either pay a fine or get rid of  2/3 of their luggage. My flight to Bogota was 1 hour late in leaving, 11 hours long in the air, and 1 hour of waiting for a gate in Bogota.  It was 5 a.m. Barcelona time when I arrived and I hadn't slept at all; I was a bit dizzy by the time I went through customs and unprepared to answer questions about where I was staying (with my friend Nathaly), what is the address (I'm not sure), and can I at least give her telephone number (does the airport have wifi, I'll have to get it off of facebook).  Either I didn't look threatening or the custom officer was more tired than I was because he stamped my passport with a sigh and said "continue."

My dear dear friend Nathaly was waiting for me at the airport and she mercifully let me go right to sleep as soon as we got to her parents.  The jump to Colombian time (7 hours behind) wasn't bad and I have spent the last two days being stuffed (no, seriously, stuffed like a taxidermied owl) with authentic heavy Colombian food prepared by Nathaly's mother who is an excellent cook who also wields a generous ladle. It is now day three and I have developed a strategy: no snacks in between meals and eat very slowly and in this way I am almost able to finish everything.  Nathaly's family is great and I have already met her two siblings, her great aunt, her parents, her grandmothers, three uncles, four aunts, and a smattering of cousins -- not bad for day three : ).  We also have been getting ready to go on a mission trip to Morichito (way out in the middle of nowhere).  We leave in an hour (but really in 4 hours by the time we leave if the trip runs on Colombian time) and then we will take a bus 6 hours to Puerto Gaitan overnight, and then 6-7 hours on a boat down the river and then we will take a smaller boat for another 6-7 hours to arrive in Morichito.  Nathaly and I are in charge of teaching Bible lessons to the kids.  Apparently it is very hot there (between 30-35 degrees Celsius)         and there are lots of mosquitoes so I am grateful for my yellow fever vaccination and malaria pills.  Here's hoping I don't get dengue : ).  We will be gone for 8 days and I will let you all know how it goes -- I can't wait to share all that God has for us there!

A Time for Everything

I am coming up on my one month mark here at Taize and it feels like time has stood still as I move from one day to the next in the familiar rhythm of early morning walks, prayer, work, and common meals.  I moved on from toilet duty this week and I have been preparing picnics for groups and helping out lugging bulk food around while pausing to scrub the occasional floor.  The most arduous task thus far has been teach two fifteen year old boys how to sweep and mop.  The two unlucky souls (Pierre and Timo) were fifteen minutes late to bible study and were sent to clean with me instead (I am unsure as to who their school teacher was trying to punish, them or me?).  They were respectful and game to learn to clean, but not very quick to catch on with the mop or the broom (imagine exuberant swinging of the broom performed with haphazard strokes directed at the center of the room while inefficiently moving in the shape of a spiral -- as for the mopping, the idea that it is counterproductive to step where one has just mopped was a foreign concept and not readily understood by these victims of unmerited punishment who "helped" me clean).  We had two rooms to clean and I demonstrated how to sweep and mop as well as how to use a dust pan.  While Pierre finished mopping I had Timo start on the next room.  I was listening to Pierre's account of the injustice of his teacher's discipline when Timo popped back in the room; I was surprised to see him as I had asked another permanent to watch over him. He motioned for me to go with him to the other room where he had been working.  When we arrived I found a semi neat pile of dirt in the middle of the room and the dust pan and broom lying beside it.  Timo gestured at the dust pan. Confused, I looked over at Julia, the permanent who I asked to look after him, and she was grinning at me.  "I told him he could use the small brush and dust pan to sweep up the dirt himself," she said, "but he insisted that he had 'to go ask the woman' since you did it last time."  I assured Timo that he too could operate the brush and the dust pan and my assistance was not required. With fresh confidence Timo tackled the small pile of dirt and I'm happy to report he used the tools beautifully.  It took Pierre, Timo and I 1.75 hours to sweep and mop two small rooms.  Efficient? No. But now they can let their parents know that they learned some useful skills at Taize.

I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know so many people from different cultures at Taize.  Malia from Indonesia told me about the struggle Christians have when they want to build a church.  Esther from South Africa explained the positive effect the world cup had on her country when they hosted it as it brought the country together and was a catalyst for unity; South African flags which are not commonly seen were everywhere. Elisa from the Dominican Republic gave an account of how she saw God use the earthquake in Haiti to provide an opportunity for the Dominican Republic to reach out in love and solidarity to their neighbors, this has helped to heal deep relational wounds that exist between the two countries.  Tso from Vietnam taught me how to correctly pronounce his name (T-aaa).  XioaXia from China helped me to better understand the cultural expectations of the appropriate demeanor for women in China by sharing her own experience as a gregarious young woman. Quinetta, a Native American from South Dakota, enlightened me as to the difficulties facing young people in her tribe today. And she encouraged me by sharing her heart and the ideas she has to help them.  Mirjam, my roommate, shared about her faith journey that has led her to Taize to understand who God is and who she is in Him.  There are many more people I have learned from and shared with; there is such a store of riches to be found in the stories of each culture and person and I am grateful that God has given me the opportunity to hear them.

On the my cousin Annie passed away in her sleep.  Anne had fought lupus for 20 years and she had experienced much fatigue in the last year, but her death still came as a shock.  Annie was a good friend who always welcomed me into her craft room for marathon crafting sessions as I worked on gifts.  She would chuckle each morning when she got up and she would ask me how long I had stayed up after surveying the frenzied heap that was her craft (or "bead room").  Annie was a master at all the crafts she took on and she often would help me to repair my mistakes.  When I found interesting shells and I wanted to somehow make them into a necklace or a work of art I knew who to go to and when I was going to start a blog and didn't know what I was doing, Anne who had her own blog, helped me out. She was also the first one to subscribe to my blog.  It was difficult to miss the celebration of Anne's life, to laugh with family over the hilarious things Anne said/did and to rejoice with each other that our loved one who brought us much joy with her love and generous spirit will no longer have a long list of limitations or diagnosi, but instead she will receive the glorified body that Jesus has promised - free from all pain and weakness.  It is not easy to grieve apart from the comfort of friends and family, but the Great Comforter (the Spirit of Christ) is with me and has helped me to rejoice while crying. The day I found out Annie had passed away I grieved, but I also had so  much to be thankful for: Annie passed away without a struggle, Annie is with Christ and fully healed, Annie's family had a lot of support, Annie had been able to attend her neice Emily's graduation party the weekend before, and my Juusola side of the family would be able to come together and laugh and cry and celebrate Anne together. There was much to be thankful for.  God also provided me with my friend Andrea whom I met here in Taize; she is full of kindness, empathy, and affection and provided human comfort. 
Anne was a person who took great delight in giving gifts and I smile to think that her last tangible gift to me was getting me out of a round of toilet duty -- as I sat in the grass in the garden and munched a chocolate bar in tribute to her (Anne always made sure I had a treat when I visited) I thought that her mischievous side would appreciate this.

Last week Eunhye, Mirjam, and I received a new roommate from China.  Jiao (not her real name as I can't ask her permission to tell this story) only speaks Chinese and she is shy so it has been difficult to get to know her. Jiao and I both wake up early in the morning.  The first couple of days Jiao was here she got up before me, but on the third day she was still asleep when I crept down the ladder of my bunk bed.  My roommate Mirjam sleeps below me, and she says she never hears me get up, but Jiao, who sleeps across the room from me, sprang awake when she heard me get up that morning and immediately starting getting dressed (while still in bed!).  I thought perhaps she had a habit of praying at 6:45 and she was late that day to begin, but the next morning I got up at 6:25 and Jiao was again asleep. I was extra cautious not to make any noise, but as soon as my feet hit the bottom rung of the ladder Jiao's arms shot straight up in the air and she began to put on her shirt (the mental picture still makes me laugh).  I was puzzled as to why she was in a rush to get up since it was earlier in the morning than the day before. During the day I came back to the room and Jiao was napping - hmmm. That night Jiao went to bed later than usual and so did I, therefore I did not get up until 7:00, but once again as soon as Jiao heard me stir her arms shot straight up and she mechanically began to put on her shirt. At this point I concluded that perhaps Jiao was uncomfortable with sleeping in and it made her anxious to have anyone get up before her.  I felt bad if I was causing my roommate anxiety so I considered sleeping in for her sake, but as I was unsure if my assumption was right (and because I was selfish and relished my morning walks), I kept getting up early... and I kept finding Jiao napping during the day.  The poor woman was worn out, I'm not sure if it was from the anxiety of listening for me or from getting up early every morning - probably both.

Andrea and I went for a walk today and she asked me what I will take with me from my time in Taize, which is an appropriate question, especially when leaving a place centered on reflection.  I believe the most significant thing I will take away is the knowledge that God always chooses to be with me because God desires to be with me -this is no longer just an intellectual thought for me, but this reality has now sprouted roots in my heart - and for this I am thankful.  I will also take with me my contact sister's firm counsel that I must place a guard over my heart and only pay attention to the thoughts that are true (of God); those which are life giving (even if they bring sorrow) and I must not dwell on those that bring death (hopelessness) which are not of God (basically taking every thought captive to the authority of Christ).  This is also something that I "knew" before, but I needed this time and place to truly grasp it.  My contact sister asked me to sum up my time here in one word; as a wordy person you can imagine my difficulty.  I chose the word "presence."  For I saw Christ's presence in the Bible passages I read that spoke to me in a significant way, I saw Christ's presence in the people I met, and I felt the Spirit's presence in the prayer.  My time here was also a present, the people I lived life with were a gift, and the changes in me are a present.  It isn't uncommon for volunteers leaving Taize to have anxiety about what life will look like once they leave the structure of prayer, work, and common life that they have grown accustomed to. I am not sure what my life will look like in the future, but I have peace as I leave because the One who brought me to Taize is the same One who gave me many good gifts in my time here and is also the One who will go with me. 

Darkness is as Light to You

I have just finished my week of silence and I am still meditating on what God and I shared.  Like in any relationship ours has grown stronger after a full week devoted to each other.  The experience was like taking a vacation together; I stayed in a spacious old house set on a large garden in a small village near Taize called Ameugny.  The house is named cerisiers (cherry house) because of the large cherry tree that grows in the backyard and produces delicious fruit at this time during the year.  The house is reserved for women in silence; it is made of old stone and has a small tower on one side with winding steps leading to the top and large french doors off of the kitchen for outdoor dining.  There is a small chapel inside, a creativity room for making art, and a  pottery shed with rather goopy clay that I could not remember how to mix properly no matter how hard I tried to remember Ms. Cummings instructions from middle school art class (Naomi and Dianne you would not have been impressed).

While in silence I still went to the common prayer 3x a day, but I also had three personal prayer times each day to sit with God and to reflect on a piece of Scripture and allow it to sink deeper.  There were 12 other young women sharing the house with me and we (silently) ate our meals together and received each morning a teaching from Sister Lorella (a delightfully expressive Italian sister) which included verses to choose from for our personal prayer times.  It continues to intrigue me that deeper connections between people can sometimes be made through shared silence rather than through conversation.  This was my experience throughout the past week and it has been my experience during other silent retreats.  I felt like I knew each of the women by the end of our time together although I may not have known each of their names.

One week is the longest time that I have ever had the opportunity to spend in silence and it was truly a gift.  There were many questions that I wanted to ask God and they kept popping up and interrupting when I was trying to focus on other things with God, like His Word. Ironically then, even after addressing a couple of the questions this week with Christ, what has made the deepest impression on me, what rises to the surface as the most essential as I reflect on the week, is what Christ spoke to me through scripture and not the answer to my questions. 

One particular passage that I saw in a fresh way is Psalm 139 where the psalmist talks about trying to flee from God's presence. The psalmist sees that it is impossible to flee from God because God is wherever the psalmist goes:

"Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

As I read and reread the verses that follow what stood out to me was the idea that God continually chooses to be with me. 

"If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,'
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you."

God chooses to be with me even when I am in darkness, for the darkness cannot separate us.  Even though I may create my own "darkness" to try to distance myself from God, God is still there.  As I thought about times when I have purposely done, said, or thought things that are contrary to God's will in order to create a distance between myself and God because I did not want to face His holiness and the way He lays my fears, thoughts and intentions bare, it became clear that I was deceiving myself to think that in my darkness that God would not be there.  For darkness is like light to the One who created both darkness and light.  God not only is with me, but God chooses to be with me even when I think I am the worst version of me.

The realization that God always desires to be with me settled deep within me and it continues to give me an enormous amount of peace.

Through the last week I have remembered how little I am and that it is okay to be little. I have very little understanding, little wisdom, little strength and little faith, but Jesus understands my littleness and He comes to help me.  I am not asked to figure life out on my own because the One who gave me life is with me.  I find there is an invitation to rest in Christ as I accept my littleness and watch Jesus multiply the little that I have.

With the freshness of a week of vacation with God, long walks along country roads, quiet and leisurely breakfasts of tea and baguettes, I have now entered a new week and I have officially begun my time of being a "permanent" of Taize.  I am living with other women who are volunteering at Taize; sharing a common life with them while taking on responsibility for work tasks between common prayer times.  This week in the morning I am cleaning the houses where the families who visit Taize stay (Germans, Germans, and more Germans : ) and in the afternoon I clean toilets.  The family houses are for many families to stay together, thus many toilets.  Truly there are many toilets in the whole of Taize and I am getting to know them all personally.  Beyond toilets and prayer I attend two bible studies a week led by a brother for both the men and women permanents.  They are dense theologically and I have enjoyed them very much thus far.  I also have a contact sister who I met with twice last week. She is direct and not very emotive, but kind and helpful. We haven't always agreed on everything, but I appreciate her wisdom and perspective. There are two other women in my room, one from South Korea and one from Germany, and I am throughly enjoying getting to know them, their countries and their stories.  There are about 50 girls staying as "permanents" who stay for one month up to a year or longer and they are from many different countries. Mealtime can be quite boisterous and loud, but discussions are interesting.

Rarely I make it to the internet hut (and the internet card machine is routinely out of order) and therefore I am behind in responding to emails, so I apologize.  Thank you to everyone who has sent an update and/or prayer request! And congratulations to Danielle and Jon on their engagement and Rachel and Jake on their engagement and Graham, Katie, Brooke, and Emily on graduating from high school!

With much love,
Cassie